he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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