That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
