2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I met the friendliest cop last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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