I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
