you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
