oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
