Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize