1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize