It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
