remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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