we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
