If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
