he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
