Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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