the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
