I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
These tits shall not be calmed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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