I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
