Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
