i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
