I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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