I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
