capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
