I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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