Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
