no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
