So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
