if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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