my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
