forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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