your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
