I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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