I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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