I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
