he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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