Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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