Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
