God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
