i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
