1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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