I wish I could teleport
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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