We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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