i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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