i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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