Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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