You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
