I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
