how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
