I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
