He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
