was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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