Sorry, I don't speak sober.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry about my life...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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