oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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