so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
