How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
