just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
