Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
