I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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