Quick, to the slutcave!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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