Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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