she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
