we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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