The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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