is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize