omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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