thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
